13 Jun 2017

you wouldnt never be known if you not express yourself

Lately, my body got all itchy. Dont know the reasons why. But for sure, now I understand those who got skin disease. This is so irritating. Please be patient, dear self. I cannot help it but my face is all frowning. Somehow, this tense makes me more expressive. Maybe it is a way to divert the itchiness. Dont get too cautious about yourself or u can feel the itchiness. Like that.

But now, I wish to reveal something. It is kinda disappointing when people even those who near you never truly know about yourself. Most of them. Just because I never reveal my trueself through my behavior, and my principles. People seem to be looking me as a person who does not know much things especially about the street things. It is just because I am quiet and shy type. The saddest part of being shy is you cannot deliver the thing that is exploding in your innerself. *sigh

It's true tht I got this insecurity problem. Ever since high school. People treat me like I know nothing about other than academic things ... again, just because I not reveal myself. This made me holding grudge and become competitive. It's like "Owh yeah...soon or later I will show you!" The other reason of being not expressive enough is because I am fear of getting hurt. These things that keep me anxious all the times, and thus giving bad effects to my physical body, in and out. I got depressed by this unreasonable anxiety. Silly..this is silly. Things that you can laugh is...the PRS , and all of those classmates (in high school) never notice my discomfort of being anxious all the time. They never understand about the anxiety that I went through but I knew that how I performed in the class should be strong enough as the evidence. So what actually the measures that they were taking attention to in order to give a friend helps? Same goes to the teachers. Why? I'd always thought about is just I cant say it. Hey, people...listen...or observe!

I know that all of those experiences before high school and during that time come out this kind of me...and I really wish that I dont blame anyone. Silver lining is all behind it.

It's okkay. I really hope tht Tarbiah can teach me to be a better person; in and out.
Good luck. I will be running for the priority. No worries.

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