25 Dec 2015

Not yet finden : Another self-defense mechanism


I need this one self defense mechanism..or I will be mentally tortured and fatigue and will lead to domino effect on another occasions. This world is really cruel to some people.
But who are we to change the fate. Thing which cant be changed will remain as it is.
The thing that can be changed...I wish to change so that the others and me myself will no longer hurt.
I tend to hurt others at certain times. It's fun,  especially mentally hurting those who hurt me. Well, by doing so, it  will hurt me, though because  of some limitations which I cant hurt them enough(so the attempt of hurting them always fail) and hurting people will always make me regretful and angry to myself.  When I have got angry to myself, I will be sad and tend to rebel towards myself.
Really.  I cant forgive you all.
I am not big heart person.

May Allah always guide me. Yes,  I am finding the ways to recover the pain.
I am afraid and paranoid towards myself of being bipolar or psychopathic person.
May I always will be protected by Allah Azza wa jalla.

The worries, fear,  regret  had always turned my self into the silence depression.
My body had turned to be sick..and my life had become as not as I dreamed to be. People surrounding me may see me as a normal person. But deep inside me, I am screaming and punching the wall of my heart..
Since I am still breathing, the oxygen indicates that I can change the thing as I had dreamed to be.
Plus,  I believe that muslim people shall get rested after all of the things in this world have over depending on how do you lead yourself and others for better life in this world with your taqwa.

Run... finding the self-mechanism. 

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in shaa Allah.