Despite grammatical crisis that I have had, it is always English as the preference for the writing and speaking. But, what kill my confidence is what people think about me when I speak in English.
"no self-esteem as a mother-tongue user"
"girl, if you wish to speak in English, do check on your grammar"
"Your phrases are so formal"
Most of the times, the words come to my mind are in English, and I have to take times, if I need to translate it into my mother-tongue.
So what I do is "bahasa-rojak"
Thing I dont like about "bahasa rojak" is it is worse than having grammatical errors in English.
I have to pour this anyway. There it goes.
So, wish me goodness =P